Evasion Tank FTW

So I just got back from New Zealand.  I've had one hour's sleep since 6am Thursday (Brisbane time).  And due to the entirely inconsiderate person next to me, who had a bladder with the strength of a piece of wet toast, I had three hours to contemplate my navel with a flat laptop battery and no reading material on the flight.

So, I turned to my iPod.  The first song that came up (serendipitously as it turns out) on random was called "Twelve Inch Penis" by Dos Gringos.   If you're not into aviation you probably won't get a lot of the references, but it's basically about trying to pee in an F16 cockpit.  High class stuff.

Stay with me, this will make sense eventually.

So I was listening to that and my mind turned, as it sometimes is wont to do, about how awesome playing a rogue is and how much I hate PUGs.  So, I put one and one together and got 11.  I wrote WoW lyrics to the tune of the song I was listening to.  I call it "Evasion Tank FTW", or alternatively "The Ballad of the Raiding Rogue".  I like the first one better.

Evasion Tank FTW by me

Sung to the tune of "Twelve Inch Penis" with thanks to Dos Gringos for also being awesome.

There I was, pugging a boss

and we could tell he was getting a little cross

from all the damage we were getting on that day

Now an undergeared tank is bad enough

but it's even worse when you're missing buffs

just a plus stam and Salv would really ease the pain

'Cause if you pull aggro on Magtheridon man, it's over

Now about four minutes into the fight

I started to get nervous 'cause things were looking tight

with healers calling OOM and the hunters just standin' around

then a mage Ice Blocked, I knew he was in trouble

and a couple ret pallies started poppin' their bubbles

then the off tank he fell stone dead to the ground

And there's little old me in my leather armour

So we finally got him down to 20 percent

when the main assist said his gear was bent

I mean who the hell raids without getting repairs?

So I thought real hard about my rotations

popped a healthstone and a healing potion

watched the tank die and the druids go bears

And I cursed the shammy's name for forgetting Windfury

So I knew that I'd need a little help

to keep from bleeding all over myself

and if I stressed any longer well I'd give myself cancer

So in my hour of great despair

I offered up a little prayer

to Jesus, hoping that he might answer

And to paraphrase a bit, this is what I said

(CHORUS)

Oh Lord won't you give me

just one more cooldown

just one Adrenaline Rush will do

cause I'm stuck with these dumbos

and I need just a few more combos

and I swear I'll hearth as soon as I am through

Now things started looking pretty darn bleak

when Mags knocked the warlock into next week

and one shotted a shadow priest with a flick of his tail

The hunters feigned death but it didn't help 'em

Mags gave them both a pretty solid beltin'

and they QQ'd and died with a pitiful wail

Fucking huntards

Now it was too much to hope for a Power Word Shield

so I feinted and vanished and bandaged and healed

and jumped back into the fight with a look of dismay

And I never really thought about what was ensuin'

when I realised that there was nobody left pew-pewin'

and I paused for a second, and began to pray

Dear Lord, you gotta give me this one

(CHORUS)

Oh Lord won't you give me

just one more cooldown

just one Evasion will do

cause I'm stuck with these dumbos

and I need just a few more combos

and I swear I'll hearth as soon as I am through

Now just as Mags landed a crushing blow

my energy bar, it started to grow

and before I knew it, it was at least a foot long

Cold Blood jammed down for unlimited crits

and Evasion made me impossible to hit

and I couldn't help whistlin' a cheery song

Now I know you've figured out what happened next...

Well that was pretty much the end of my woes

since I poured DPS like a fire hose

and dodged every claw with a wink and a grin

24 bodies lining the pavement

watching this epic rogue with amazement

whispering "evasion tank for the win!"

This could be you if you learn2play, noobs

I finished off Mags with a Mutilate crit

looted and hearthed from that demonic pit

and ignored everyone before they could aggrieve me

I thought about boasting in guild chat

but something fairly obvious held me back

a fairly good chance no-one would believe me

Think I'll just quietly let the legend grow

(CHORUS)

Oh Lord won't you give me

just one more cooldown

one Cloak of Shadows or two

cause I'm stuck with these dumbos

and I need just a few more combos

and I swear I'll hearth as soon as I am through

yeah I swear I'll hearth as soon as I am through!